Zombie Fare

Totally on the run this morning. I have a date with a zombie! Yes, the book is keeping me occupied and I'm actually having fun writing this story.

Big question of the week? What to feed the hunky zombie. I won't divulge, but let's just say all the "suggestions" cracked me up. This book is absolutely keeping my mind occupied. Mission accomplished.

What about you? What's on your to-do list for this chilly Friday?

Wishing you a peaceful, zombie-free day.

Brr!

Oh my, chilly doesn't begin to describe this upstate New York morning! It's downright cold here! But we had the most gorgeous weekend, with blue skies and almost balmy breezes, so there's no complaining coming from this chair.

The answer to a brisk morning? Around here, it's a nice cup of cappuccino, so I'm off to brew a cup. Or two.

Then, I'm going to park my behind in my chair and get to work. Oh yes, I'm working on a new book. I'd begun something sweet, sexy and fun...and by chapter 3 I wanted more. Much more. So I closed that file, and intend to return to sweet and sexy at a later date. Now, though, I'm lost in something entirely new to me. Really. So new that it's a challenge, which is precisely what I need right now. I need something to stretch my creative mind, something that isn't a walk in the park to write.

Oh, boy, I've given myself the perfect diversion for what may be a rocky stretch. These are the first holidays I'll spend without my sweet husband, so I know I might have a tough time but I'm trying to keep my chin up, stay busy and look toward the future. I'm not forgetting to allow myself time to cherish the beautiful moments from my past. He was so good, and we were blissfully happy, so there are lots and lots of wonderful memories...

So, writing today. A challenging story. Filled with intrigue, sexual tension and way-out-of-the-box characters. One big question? Will they get a happily-ever-after? Honestly, I don't know yet. What I do know is this: Whatever happens, she's strong enough to survive it, and that's all that matters at this point. The rest will take care of itself. I think. I hope. We'll see.

First, though, cappuccino.

What about you? What's on your to-do list this chilly Monday morning?

One Step Forward

You may have noticed I've been doing a lot of cooking and baking recently. I've been sharing recipes, hoping you might find some of them useful.

It took me a while to get back into the kitchen but now that I'm starting to find my way among the pots and pans, it feels really good. Vito and I cooked together every day and we spent so many wonderful hours in our kitchen. Months ago I couldn't stand the idea of being in the space without him but I'm slowly getting back to finding peace mixing, baking and cooking. I think he'd want me to feel good in the kitchen again. Who am I kidding? I know he'd like it.

Figuring out how to cook in smaller quantities is still a challenge. I try to cut back but consistently make way more than I can eat on my own. So, the freezer is full. And the neighbors are getting fat! No, not really, but they are tasting some of the extras. So far, no one's complaining so that's good. Eventually I'll learn how to cook less, but for now it's just okay to be wielding my spatula again.

Baby steps, right?

I hope you have a peaceful day. Any plans for this blustery day?

No, No NaNo

November is National Novel Writing Month. I participated in this month-long book writing challenge more than once. Last year, of course, I didn't even know it was November. I skipped the challenge.

I'm skipping it this year, too. I just can't bring myself to jump into the fun. Not now. Maybe next year, but this year my heart's just not in it. I'm writing, but at my own pace and in my own time.

So I'll hope the other participants have fun, achieve their goals and find themselves happy and satisfied by month's end. There are forums available to peruse and excerpts to read, so if you have a minute--or two or three!--why not go check out the action?

Do you have any plans for this month? Whatever you've got up your sleeve, I hope it's enjoyable and brings you peace.

Loving Coffee Again

On the widow's path, it's mostly just a matter of survival. I just try to make the best of each day, looking to find some peace and a feeling of productivity. I learned early on that small things make survival less daunting, because every tiny victory helps make the big picture less painful.

I've learned effective coping strategies. Some, pretty obvious. Others? Probably only helpful in my life and utterly useless to others.

One thing I finally did was to take the plunge and spend money I received for my birthday on a Keurig coffee machine. I'd been drinking awful instant coffee for months. Why? The thought of brewing a pot of coffee without my sweet man to share it with me just sent me over the edge. Really, I cried every time I tried to do it, so I gave up and drank crappy instant mud. For a while, it worked. Then, as I said, I took the plunge.

It's not an earth-shattering thing, but it's wonderful to enjoy a cup of coffee again. In a special mug made just for me by an amazing young woman. And, I'm trying new flavors, which is easy with the variety of K-Cups available.

So, my latest step forward on this journey. I didn't know what to talk about this morning until I looked down at my mug of hazelnut coffee and smiled.

What's making you smile today? I hope it's something good. And, I wish you a peaceful day. Walk gently. Smile often. And, when the chance to calm your heart shows up, take it. Even if that chance comes in a coffee cup!

Checking In

Ah...so, it's Thursday already, isn't it? How did that happen?

First, thanks for all the kind emails. I didn't mean to worry anyone. Honestly, the days just got away from me. I'm fine. Just busy.

I've got a ton of farm stuff to square away before the cold weather hits in earnest. My to-do list is longer than my arm! I've been painting the deck, pulling out the veggie gardens and mowing. And mowing. And mowing!

And, the canning. Oy, the canning... Tomatoes and apples just won't quit. I'll be grateful come winter but now I'm just sick and tired of canning. Don't get me wrong--I'm grateful for the produce but I wish it would can itself.

Polishing the book up, tweaking it and making it ready to go out into the world. I really hope there's a way to read the pages from heaven. I really do.

So, that's it from here. Just muddling along, not really paying attention to the days but focusing instead on what's right in front of me. It is working but I'm sorry if I've worried anyone. I'm still here!

Wishing you a peaceful day.

We Remember

Forever in our hearts.

God Bless America.

The Godzilla Stomp

So, I did have a Godzilla-free day. But, the earth felt a little of the Godzilla-two step not once, but twice, here in upstate New York. That's right, the earth shook...and then, later in the day, it shook again.

Yesterday morning, around 6:30, I was sitting right here when the house trembled. The computer screen swayed. The television remote sort of skittered across the desk.

My reaction?

Huh. Now, isn't that interesting?

That's right. There was an earthquake, measuring 2.2 to be exact, about 35 miles east of here. I felt it, but just carried on.

Unflappable, I guess. I'm sitting here shaking my head, almost embarrassed to admit I took it so in stride.

Later in the day I was outside picking apples. Yes, life here at Villa Leone is lively. So...picking apples. We planted a row of apple trees behind one of the barns. They're heavy with fruit, and the apples are oh-so sweet, so I spent a good part of yesterday making applesauce.

I was minding my own business, picking fruit from the first tree in the row, when the ground beneath my feet just sort of started to shudder. Really weird feeling. I realized the branches around me were swaying, and an apple dropped near my feet.

I looked down the row at the other trees. Branches? All swaying. Very freaky to watch.

My reaction?

Huh. So this is wild. I wonder how many more apples I can fit into this big bowl before I'll have to go inside and dump it into the sink?

Desensitized, much? Overload, anyone?

Godzilla stomping? You think?

Today? More applesauce. More canning tomatoes. More book writing. And, hopefully, no more ground shaking!

Wishing you a peaceful day!

Midnight on the Farm

"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power . They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief... and unspeakable love." -- Washington Irving

A good friend sent that quote yesterday. I love it.

Today I'm at The Lark Journals. I'm going to gab about what kept me company in the wee hours this morning. Interested? Why not stop by and say hello? I'd love to see you there!

Wishing you a peaceful Friday.

A Day at the Farm

Yesterday was one of the best days I've had in a long time. I laughed. I felt almost like the "old" me. I looked ahead. I dealt with some of the past.

No, I didn't go for a spa day, although I could use the pampering. And I didn't escape to a tropical destination where colorful drinks are served with tiny paper umbrellas. Fancy? Not one bit of my day could even loosely termed fancy--or schmancy, for that matter.

So, what made yesterday so great?

Love. People. Hard work.

And, I'd never forget this part, "Good, clean living."

There's a lot to do here on the farm. Sometimes, I find myself a bit on overload, with a spinning head and too many things to do with not nearly enough time to do them. I've had a to-do list regarding some outdoor projects all summer long. Yesterday, the calvary arrived and wiped that list off my mind!

We emptied out the building where wood pellets are stored. Now, I can have pellets delivered. We straightened up the greenhouse. It's ready for spring planting now. We cleaned the garage, putting the yard equipment in proper places in the barns and making room for vehicles to go back inside. Now they'll be where they should be come winter, and I won't look out the window and think I've somehow dropped the ball.

Plus, I won't have to clear snow off the truck. Last year I smashed myself with ice doing just that. I'd rather not break my nose again if I can help it! So, the truck in the garage is a very good thing.

It souds like a huge amount of work, doesn't it? It was, but it went so well and so quickly I was just amazed. Many hands really do make for lighter work.

I am beyond words grateful. I woke this morning, looked out and saw some of what we accomplished. I smiled, my heart warm and my shoulders lighter for having shared some of my burdens. It's wonderful that we ripped through my to-do list. It's even better that the love and friendship truly lifted me up.

I am healing, thanks in large measure to those who love me enough to support me. I will never be the same woman I was, but I will be okay. I know that as surely as I know my own name.

And, since we tore up the chores, we had time to sit in the shade. Eat. Share stories, reminiscing about the past and looking to the future. We laughed. As I said, a great day.

How did your Wednesday go?

Today? I'm back to the book. I love it that whenever I tell someone a bit about what's going on in the story, they laugh. It makes me believe I'm on the right track with this funny romance. I certainly hope I am...fingers crossed!

Wishing you a peaceful day.

Avoid the Nuts

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?--Albert Einstein

Ever have a day when you ask yourself a similar question...again and again? And again?

Welcome to my world.

I asked myself a version of the brilliant man's question about a dozen times yesterday. Every now and again, I'd head outside just to remind myself that even when others are nuts (and that really is the kindest way to put it), there is much more to contemplate.

Just let it go...

So, a day of ins and outs, head shaking and lots of thinking there are people who not only don't get it--they never will get it. So, I'm moving along.

What about you? Ever have hazy, crazy, questioning days like the one I just plowed through? Me, I go outside and pick berries, walk beneath the trees, smell the flowers and watch birds when it happens. What do you do? How do you get the craziness out of your mind?

Today I've got a date with a chapter. And a boat. And a sandwich. And, quite possibly, a rock. Yes, the book is coming along. At least the people in my books are only as crazy as I let them be. Woo hoo!

Wishing you a peaceful day. Stay away from the nuts, okay?

Bony Fingers

Yes, it's true. I'm writing. My fingers may not be bony yet but they sure do hurt. The wrists, too. It's annoying, for many reasons, but mostly because I've been trying to baby them a bit by stopping writing before I'd like to. Hoping this is just a fleeting annoyance.

Especially since I'm really enjoying writing this book. Vito and I spoke about it last summer, laughed over the trials our heroine finds in her path and imagined all sorts of ridiculous situations for her. So, I'm trying to make those fun conversations come to life. I hear him laughing, so it is a good experience.

So, off to write. Then, jam making. Afterward, garden harvesting...cukes, onions, potatoes, tomatoes and peppers. Still waiting on the eggplant, but I have faith.

What about you? What have you got planned for this summer Monday?

Road Trip

Recently I had the opportunity to head to the wilderness of upstate New York. One of my closest friends in the world (really, she's a sister to me) invited me to go along on a women's weekend. It was a retreat of sorts at the beautiful cabin she and her husband own.

Just what I needed, exactly when I needed it most. Isn't it incredible that someone else can see inside your heart and soul, understand what would benefit you the most and then just oh-so casually provide that exact experience?

Yes, I know. I am blessed.

So, there were five of us. I had the pleasure of meeting three new friends. All amazing women. All committed to making a positive impact on the world. Each a unique personality. I loved being surrounded by such smart, sensitive women.

We talked. Laughed. Shared. Discussed world issues as well as the more basic ones, like faith, family, friends. We stayed up late, ate far too much and giggled like schoolgirls. Then, we talked some more.

Some of us went to Sunday Mass at a sweet little church with gorgeous stained glass windows. I will remember that hour always.

Talking while chopping vegetables. Chatting while exploring a new-to-me town. Sharing beneath a picnic unbrella during a rainstorm while eating ice cream. Does it get any better? Not often.

There was never a moment when I didn't feel support, friendship, love and understanding swirling about us. A few times I stepped back, used my writer's objective eye, and witnessed the group dynamic.

Honestly, women rock! I returned home with my soul singing, a full heart and more peace than I've had in many months.

Thank you, Penny. Thank you Michele, Colleen and Jen. You helped create a memory that will sustain me. Your kindness will carry me many times, through the rough patches I know are still ahead of me.

When I'm feeling battered, I will recall the cabin retreat experience. I will put it out of my internal file, dust it off and let our laughter surround me. I will remember that we had fun, and although I feel like a completely different woman than the one I knew even one year ago, I am still me. I know how to smile, share and listen. I am still me. You four reminded me of that very important fact.

As I said, women rock. Especially the four of you!

Oh! Did I mention that Penny and I had our picture taken with a bear? That's right. We did! How cool is that?

Gardening, Anyone?

Thank you for your kindness and support. I was lifted yesterday when I read your comments, and I appreciate the lovely emails as well. You've warmed my heart when I really needed it. Thanks!

Just a few days after my husband's funeral, one of his aunts told me that I'd hear things from well-meaning family and friends that would upset me. Her advice? Whenever someone says something that pushes me near the edge, just turn my back and close my ears! Smart lady. I should have remembered that when the "move on" moments came. Now you can bet I won't forget the advice again!

Anyhow, it was sultry here yesterday so the gardens needed watering in the evening. I love watering, so I took my time strolling through the garden areas. So many things are growing! There are small green tomatoes and peppers. Vines are vining, squash and melons are growing wide leaves and the carrot tops look so feathery. There are flowers on some of the potatoes and the eggplants look sturdy. Oh, I love gardening!

My one gardening flop this year--so far, that is!--isn't in the veggie gardens but in the front flower bed. I planted orange cosmos. I'd grown them from seed in the greenhouse and they were about twelve inches tall when I planted them out. Well, they apparently enticed a bunny to dinner. Ahh! They may recover but I doubt it. On the one hand, I'm happy Mr. Rabbit isn't devouring the vegetables. On the other hand, I'm sad to see the cosmos so munched up.

I know Vito's laughing in heaven. He's got to be amused that life here is somewhat "normal" and that I'm dealing with the wildlife! He'd always plant "extra" for the bunnies, so really, I can hear him chuckling over the Cosmo Buffet.

What about you? Are you gardening? How're thing growing in your backyard?

Weekend Update

Relaxing weekend here. Lots of time in the yard. Pulling weeds, raking grass and mowing up a storm. Trimming around trees that seem suddenly huge. Really, leave your house for a season and see just how much everything grows. It's amazing!

Did some sewing for my little Etsy shop. Will post the new items soon. Maybe tomorrow, even. I've got more ideas for a few new things swirling through my mind. Time to get them from mind to reality, that's the issue! Soon...

Saddened by the news that Clarence Clemons, the gifted sax player for Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band, passed away. Such a loss.

I baked cookies Saturday night. I don't know about you, but when I bake something I expect it to taste good. Really good. These cookies? Cosi cosi. For those who don't understand Italian slang, they were so-so. Me? I'm not crazy about so-so baked goods. I'll try the recipe again but I'm definitely going to jazz it up. I used Nutella for the hazelnut taste but I'm considering using actual hazelnuts as well. I'll let you know how it goes.

So, my weekend.

One question. Just one. Does this weekend sound like it belongs to a person who's stuck? I ask because, honestly, if one more person tells me it's time to "move on" I'm going to scream. Really. I'll scream. Then, who knows? I just might smack someone because really, this is as "moving on" as I'm going to get for now. Maybe for a long while.

Anyhow, moving on...

How was your weekend? What did you do? Whatever it was, I hope you had a peaceful few days!

No Words

Most of us have had this experience: There are no words to adequately convey the emotion you're feeling. There isn't anything you can do or say that will tell the tale of your grateful heart.

That's what's happened to me. I have gratitude that can never be fully expressed. It just can't. I know no "thank you" will begin to cover how I really feel.

I will be forever grateful to an amazing group of people I've recently come to know. They are incredible, going above and beyond to soothe, support and encourage. They are rock solid at a time when the whole world trembles beneath my feet.

I applaud them, and always will. Their compassion and kindness knows no bounds.

Krista, Karl, Mike, Danielle and Sue, thank you. I know it's not nearly enough but it's said with love. You will all remain in my thoughts and prayers always. You held me up when I would have stumbled. You walked beside me on a final journey that broke my heart. You never faltered, never let me down and soothed my soul when it was shattered.

My gratitude? Like love, it is eternal.

Snicketed

Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant, filled with odd waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like. ~Lemony Snicket

Maybe I have a warped sense of humor but that amused me.

Anyhow, last night I finished up some sewing. It's summertime--almost--so it seems appropriate to whip up some summer girl clothes. No, I'm not going to divulge who the recipients of these garments are, but I will say that I hope they like what I've made. It's so hard with kids, sometimes, to know what will appeal.

A pink seersucker blouse. I love the fabric!

And a summery, garden-y (is that a word?) play dress that's hopefully going to be as much fun to wear as it was to make.

So there you have it. That's how I've been spending my hours. What about you? What's keeping you occupied? I'd love to know...I'm open for suggestions!

Hope you have a peaceful day.

Reading?

I'll admit it. I'm having concentration issues. I'm told it's perfectly normal given the circumstances, this difficulty focusing. I imagine it will pass. Eventually.

Until then, I've got a growing pile of books on the family room coffee table. I should've taken a picture, just so you'd see how ridiculous it is. Don't get me wrong; it's not like the pile towers or anything. I'd say there are four or five--okay, maybe a half-dozen--books that have been opened, with a chapter or two read, then discarded. Why? They just didn't hold my attention. Now, I know it's not the fault of any of the books. At another time I'd dive into any of them. But now, I lose the thread of the story if it doesn't come at me hard, grab me and hold me tight.

The only book I can remember finishing during these last weeks was The Lost Valentine. Or was it The Last Valentine? That's it--it was The Last Valentine.

See what I mean? Concentration issues.

Anyhow, I couldn't put that one down. Loved it. If you haven't read it yet, I suggest picking up a copy. It is good. The Hallmark movie is out on DVD, also. I haven't seen it anywhere yet, but when I do I'm going to pick that up. I think I could watch it again and again. I love Betty White, and the story is good, besides.

So...what are you reading? I'm up for suggestions!

Hope you have a peaceful day. Here, it's rainy and drab, the perfect day for reading by the fire. I know, it's supposed to be spring but it feels more fall-ish. Maybe I'll grab The Last Valentine and read it again. At least I know I'll get escape into a good read...

Building Project

Two weeks ago I made sketches. They still sit on my desk, these quick pencil drawings I made when contemplating a building project. I hoped I'd be able to toss them but things have taken a turn so who knows?

Let's back up. Two weeks ago:

This was the view. See the puddle in the grass? The ground squished with every step.

The meandering creek across the street? It roared.

The pond was topped off.

My rain boots stood ready.

Then, sunshine.

Warmth.

Dryness!

Things bloomed.

Gorgeous things.

These, from the Spring Garden my sweet man planted for me.

Thanks, Vito!
Everything beautiful, even the dandelions and tulips.

But, before I could get used to warm breezes and sunny skies...

Yesterday? Rain.

Today? Rain.

Tomorrow?Rain and thunderstorms.

The rest of the week? You guessed it. Rain.

Contemplating digging out those plans for the little building project.

It worked for Noah, didn't it?

Friends, Fallon and Farming

I bet I'm the only one on the street who's awake and watching Jimmy Fallon. Betcha.

You know, Jimmy Fallon is pretty funny. I didn't expect to crack a smile but he's had me chuckling. I don't want to get into a habit but I don't mind keeping company with him tonight.

Friends. I gotta tell you, I think I'd lose my mind without my friends. They're the best, sticking by me as I navigate this chapter in my life. It's not all a late night gigglefest, believe me. I am so grateful for the kindness and compassion of a very special group--thanks for holding me up. You know who you are.

And farming? In a few short hours I'm going to have a huge truckload of mulch somewhere in the yard. Somewhere? That's all I can say because I still haven't decided where I'm going to ask the guy to dump his load.

Oh, that doesn't sound good, does it?

I'd best go to bed and try to get some sleep. I think I'm on friend overload. Or maybe I'm Fallon toast. No, it might be that I've got Farm Brain. That's a real thing, isn't it? Farm Brain. Yes, I think it might be real. No, I know it's real. Definitely...

Hope your Wednesday is peaceful. What're you up to?