Scary Frosty

I don’t want to begin a rabid discussion about inflatable holiday decorations. I don’t want to offend anyone. I definitely don’t want to diminish anyone’s appreciation of the season, or step on any toes with regard to how one does indeed celebrate.

All I want to do is say those enormous inflatable Frostys startle me. Really, they do.

I’ll admit, I never paid much attention to the gargantuan lawn decorations until this year. You see, we have a new neighbor. You guessed it—he’s a record-breaking snowman who’s been smiling day and night for the past four weeks from across the road. I won’t begin to say what I think about keeping ornaments lit 24/7 but I will say that getting up at 3 AM to write and glancing out the window to see the inflatable interloper is wholly disconcerting.

The first few mornings I could hardly put him out of my mind long enough to work. I felt his stare boring into the back of my head, a weird holiday peeping Tom who refused to move along.

To put it plainly, Friendly Frosty turned to Fearsome Frosty faster than a snowflake falls.

I forced myself to ignore the monster, and that worked pretty well for a while. Now, however, we have a new issue. You see, a few nights ago we had wind. I don’t mean tiny puffs of air akin to baby whispers. We had all-out, howling, lawn chair-tossing wind.

You know what happened, don’t you? That’s right. Frosty fell down.

You would think that anyone who went to the trouble, not to mention expense, of installing a two-story snowman on their front lawn would go out there and rescue it when it fell, wouldn’t you?

Watching Fallen Frosty is almost as creepy as evading Frantic Frosty.

With every agitated wave of his candy cane I feel the giant calling, whispering, “Help me…”

Now I worry the thing won’t be rescued until a huge Easter bunny comes hopping along!