Nailed

Picture it. One woman. Two men. A search.

That's right. A look-everywhere, are-you-sure-this-isn't-it?, tip-to-toe search. A rescue mission, of sorts, as she hopes to retrieve box of nails. High hopes, because windy conditions tore loose a trim edge on barn which now needs--you guess it--a few nails to resecure trim piece.

So...

"Here you go, sweetie. And I didn't even use any of them for my project."

Glance at box in hand. "Thanks, but these aren't my nails."

Puzzled. "You sure?"

Handing back box. "Uh huh. These are coated trim nails. Not mine. Actually more expensive than the ones I gave you."

"What did you give me?"

"Four penny nails."

"Huh?"

"A box of four penny nails. That's what I gave you."

"Come inside. Let's look."

View boxes of screws, nails and assorted fasteners set out on top of pool table.

"What does a four penny nail look like? Is it this?"

Hands over a box.

A head shake. "Nope. They're galvanized screws."

"Okay. But what does this four cent nail look like?"

Shifting boxes, an answer. "Not four cent--four penny. And they're just one-and-a-half-inch commons."

Blank stare. Second man joins search party.

"Hey, did you see a box of nails?"

Second man sweeps hand over table. "Yeah. Lots."

Woman is more likely to find box of diamonds than box of nails in this Abbot and Costello mission.

"No problem. I'll just borrow a couple of nails, fix the trim and pick up another box when I hit Home Depot." She peruses a huge bin of random fasteners.

"Take what you need, sweetie. What will work?"

She spies a nail that will do. "Just a half-dozen roofers. They'll work."

A blank stare. From both men. "Roofers?" As if they're singing in church, perfectly synchronized and pitched.

Reaching in, she pulls out six nails. Opening her hand, displaying them on her palm, "Roofers. Fat head. Short. Long enough to tack the trim in place."

As she leaves, she hears man number one say to man number two, "Now, what is it I lost? So I can replace them for her?"

"Nickels. I think the nickel nails, she said. Yeah, that's it. Go get a box of nickels."

Welcome to my world.